Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
