No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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