This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
