Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
