So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
