please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
