I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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