found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
