I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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