My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
