Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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