saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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