dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
