Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
