Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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