okay pat passed out under dana's car
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
