But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
