I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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