Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
