you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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