no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
