woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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