My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
