Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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