you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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