I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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