Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
COCAINE IS GR8
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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