I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
