Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
