Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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