Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
