This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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