i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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