She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
