you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
