she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
