my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I believe in your delicious
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
