gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
