remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
