Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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