Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
