I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
