i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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