Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dick very happy bro
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
