I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
