Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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