Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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