Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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