My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
