When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My pussy is not your playground.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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