He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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